Growing Up

Some days don't you just feel all tangled up? This picture I love because it looks like she's in a straight jacket. I love the look on her face. It's as if she just doesn't care. Sometimes I wish life was that simple again. To be a kid where you don't have a care in the world. Your biggest choice is if you are going to play with the red hair Barbie or the one with brown hair. You get mad because you want hot dogs and not mac and cheese. You know that when it gets dark out it's night night time. Whatever happened to those days?

I remember well when the days of my carefree summers and days were over. It all happened on my 16th birthday. My mom had been snoring for as long as I could remember. My sister, dad, and I would always make fun of her. We named her snores. There was the cow snore, the whining snore, and the infamous silent snore of death. It was about this time when there was a lot of talk about the surgery to "fix your snorer" as we called it. My mom decided that it was time, and she was getting it done.

She went in for her pre-op stuff, and they realized that she really wasn't getting much sleep at night. She would stop breathing and it would wake her out of deep sleep. So, they did the tests and set up her surgery. Her and dad left, and they were to return in a few days. She was able to come home right after surgery.

They came home, and I don't even remember thinking anything was wrong. My Grams had come up to stay with us while they were away. I remember a friend of mine was over spending the night. A bit after they had come home, mom and dad sat us down and let us know that mom didn't really need the snoring surgery. It was a growth covering the back of her throat that was causing her to snore and to keep her from breathing right. I felt so bad for my friend because she was having to deal with all the emotions of the night, but I was so thankful she was there. It was nice to have someone around me at that time.

Just like that my life had changed forever. I didn't realize then how much things would change, but looking back...did they ever. I grew up really fast that summer. Right after school was over for the year we packed up and left for Houston. My sister and I stayed for a long time there. After a bit though, we were ready to be home. We left Houston and our parents and went back home. I think now that they were crazy. They sent a 16 and 15 year old home to live for themselves for 2 weeks.

They finally came back home, and I turned more into a caregiver. I spent a lot of time with mom. I'd clean her bucket, get her meds, and feed her too. For a long time I was mad that I gave up my summer to be such an adult. Now as an adult, I am glad I was able to be there to help her out. I remember that year all I wanted for Christmas was for my mom to live. It was the best Christmas gift I ever asked for.

I realized after that birthday life would never be the same. There would be no more carefree days of playing around. No more days of not a care in the world. We all have to grow up sometime. That was my time. I longed to go back for a long time. Go back and not have a care in the world. I never got that, and I learned to let go of wanting that. I could never get that back. I can't say that God did that to my mom, but I think he used it in so many ways. It's been almost 13 years now since that summer. 13 years!? Sometimes it seems like yesterday.