Ever since I got home from ATC I have been sick. The first day home I couldn't keep anything down. The OB called me in some meds to help, and they seem to work. However, I am still sick and a LOT. I am not spending hours in the bathroom by any means but boy, I'm just not feeling up to par. I have no fever, no aching muscles, and nothing else that would say flu to me. It just seems like "normal" morning sickness. I did look at my ticker, and I am under 8 weeks away from my due date. Maybe it is just that dreaded 3rd trimester sickness. Does anyone really know?
I type all this, and yet I am very grateful. My cousin has really touched my life with her story of her losses. I can't even begin to imagine how this must effect her life. I have never felt the loss of a child, and I hope I never have to. Even in my first pregnancy when I was so ill I lost 15 lbs, I was still thankful every day for the life that I could carry. I always tell myself if this 9 months of throwing up is the worst I have to deal with in my life, I will count my blessings. I pray every day for my babies and that I will be a good mom to them. I pray that I am not already scaring them for life with the things I do (Although Mandi, I think if we show them Fiber Food it will do the trick).
I worry about typing this out because I really hurt for my cousin and my friends that have experienced loss in this way. It hurts to know that they are hurting and I don't understand it. I try and act normal, and I only talk about it when something is brought up. It doesn't mean that I don't think about them or pray for them. I pray often for them and pray for God's healing and strength. I often think to ask them how they are doing and to send them a card, but I wonder if that is even a good idea. I wonder if by doing so, I will make them hurt more by bringing it back up. The last thing I want to do is cause more pain and hurt.
I guess maybe I just wanted to let you know that I love you, and I really do think about you a lot. I do care how you feel, and I hurt for you too. I just may not ask because I worry I will hurt you more. I don't want to cause you more pain when I know there is still so much there. Just know that if you ever need anything, I am here no matter what. I will do anything I can to help you in any way you need. i guess I just wanted to say even though I don't ask, I still pray and hope you are doing okay. You have done so much and taught me so much in my life. I just pray that I can do the same for someone some day. I love you :)
1 comment:
Sweet Emily -- Thank you for your consideration of my feelings even while posting in your own blog. You should never let what you write be tainted by what people may feel or think -- you write what you need to write. That's the stuff that changes people.
As for having never lost a child, I pray that you'll never know that pain. But just because I have and you haven't does not mean you should tiptoe around me. You are pregnant -- praise the Lord! You are sick -- fewer praises (puke!).
As for how you should handle me and others, there is nothing nicer than a card or a phone call or a blog comment to say, "I remembered, and your baby mattered." Will it hurt the recipient to get that acknowledgement? Not as much as it hurts when people don't remember or when they discredit your experience. If it's within your power, remember due dates, loss dates, holidays, etc. It will mean the world to the brokenhearted.
As for your sickness, I hope you feel better soon! Are you staying hydrated? I love you and my new little cousin. :) 8 weeks is not long at all.
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