Thursday, February 26, 2009

Sad but NOT Discouraged

After I didn't get a call for call backs or by bedtime tonight, I had realized that I probably didn't get a part in the Sound of Music. I had started to deal with it already, but I was still holding out a little bit of hope. I just got an email from the director that I did not get a part in the show. Even though I was expecting that, I still had a few tears in my eyes. It is very hard to hear that you aren't good enough. There were a lot of people that auditioned, and I did the very best I could. That is all I can ask for. For that, I have no regrets. I would have regretted it a lot if I hadn't gone in that night and at least tried. For the courage I had, I thank all my friends and family for encouraging me to give it a shot.

Like my title says, I am sad about this show, but I'm not discouraged. I have already (in the short amount of time since the email came) contacted the director back. I asked for feedback on how to improve my skills in auditions. I also then let him know that I actually do have a degree in the Tech area, and I would be more than happy to help out with the show that way. I know that once they get to know me and the way I work on shows, they will hopefully give me more than a glace at the next audition.

Anyway, I wanted to do a quick update for everyone who was wishing me well. I thank all of you. I know if it wouldn't have been for everyone encouraging me and sending all the good luck, I wouldn't have even got out of the van. I might not have even gone. It really was a big leap, and you all helped me take it. So, now it is off to bed, and I will wake up with a new outlook on what I will do for the show. The show will go on...I'll just help with the stuff that makes it look pretty. :)

Monday, February 23, 2009

How I Got My Groove Back

So I haven't really got my groove back yet, but I'm working on it. For awhile now I have been sad with myself. I have no identity anymore other than my kid's mom and my husband's wife. I don't do much on my own, and I have felt recently that it has taken a toll on me. I don't feel as though I am my own person anymore, and I couldn't even tell you what I enjoy doing. It's sad really. I hate that I let myself get this way, but there it is.

Since we got here I have seen fliers around the post for a local theatre here. They have done some really cool shows, and I thought about getting in touch with them. However the reality of being a mom comes into play. When do I really have time to go to do things like that with two little kids. The past week or so I have seen fliers around saying they were having open auditions for Sound of Music. I told my hubby what I wouldn't give to do that. He told me right then and there I should go for it. I laughed and told him how. It got me thinking though, so I emailed the theatre and asked about rehearsal times etc.

Before I go on, I must comment on the love I have for this show. When I was young I'd go to my Grams' house for the summer. We'd always spend about 2 weeks there. One of the things we did EVERY time we were at Grams' house was to watch the Sound of Music. We watched that tape so much we even knew the commercials that they accidently recorded. I can still see a few of them in my head. My cousins and I would then go about acting the whole show. It was probably a site to see the whole show put on by 4 kids. We'd break it up and we'd do a rolling go at it when it came time to introduce the children. Needless to say this show is a big part of my life.

Back to the email. The director sent me an email back saying they usually did rehearsals from 7 to 10 pm. You don't know how perfect this is! My kids usually go to bed about 7, so if nothing is going on, my husband is around and can put them to bed. There isn't much time between when I'd leave and when they'd go to bed, so I don't feel guilty about leaving them alone to go do this. I made up my mind after our dinner date to go for it. I was scared to death, but I decided to do it anyway.

Fast foward to tonight. Tonight was the night. I left a little early so I knew I'd be on time. I sat in the van waiting until closer to time to walk in. As I sat there I worried about going. I haven't been on stage for a long time. I am more of a Techie anyway, so I'm usually behind the scenes. I almost had myself talked into driving off. I then told myself that there were so many people that had offered me support, and that I needed to get out of the van right now. I put on my lipstick and headed out. I was scared to death. I went in and signed in.

The audition itself didn't go too bad. I can only do my best, and that is what I did. I was very pleased with how the song came out. If I don't get a part, I would be a little sad, but it won't be the end of the world. What I got out of tonight is much better than a part in the show. I got a part of myself back. For the hour I was there (I had to wait for my name to be called, and I saw a couple other auditions before leaving), I was me again. I was not a mom or a wife. I was just Emily. I had fun, and I am so happy I did it. I can't wait to try again. If I don't get a part, I am going to ask to work with the tech stuff. That will be just as fun. I'm just glad to have hit the bottom and be on the way back up.

I will know by the end of the week if I get a part or not. Good or no part (I would say bad, but there isn't really a bad here), I'll keep you updated. Either way tonight gave me something I've been missing for a long time. That's all I really wanted anyway.

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Being Honest...

I guess since the month is winding down and I have not done this post yet, I should get to it. Wouldn't it be horrible if I failed my resolution after only one go at it :p I hadn't really thought about what I wanted to be honest about this month, but here it goes. I'm going to talk about my "love" of fear and the unknown.

Even the people closest to me might not know about this. It tends to surface at weird times in my life, and I never seem to talk about it. I really hate for people to know that I struggle with the fear of the unknown and that I worry a LOT. Usually I can keep it under control. It isn't always the first thing on my mind. However, when it shows its ugly head, it is there for awhile. I usually think about whatever it is for several days...all day. It will even wake me at night.

Now before I go on, I do know that this is not healthy. I often wonder if I would stop if some of my health issues would go away. I tend to clinch my teeth a lot, and I get a lot of headaches from this. I am convinced that my clinching has to do with being worried all the time.

I was doing a Bible study a couple of years ago, and it talked about how it showed a lack of faith to worry all the time. This really bothers me. Not so much what it is saying because I can see that. It bothers me because I'd like to think that I had enough faith. This shows I don't. The fact that I worry so much makes me wonder just how much faith I do have. I'd like to think enough, but clearly I'm lacking.

It makes me really sad to type that out. How do you even go about working on something like that? There are some things in my life that I honestly just don't worry about. One of those is where we live/move. I have always felt that we'd be in the right place at the right time. This proved true so many times. Sometimes it took a bit to see the good or the reason behind it all, but it always came about.

Well, I could go on and on about it all, but I am not. I am going to try and turn over a new leaf and stop it :p I know that is not possible, but I will give it a go. I'm going to try and quit worrying about things that are not in my control, and I'm going to try and fix things that are. If I spent all the time fixing or making things better that I do worrying, I'd have the whole thing fixed...right? Humor me :)

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Executive Chef...My Husband

Last week I got a very big surprise. My husband came in one day for lunch and said, "I think I want to start cooking dinner." All I asked was why. He then let me know that he kind of missed it, and he'd like to cook some. I didn't have to hear anymore, and I handed over the duty to him. We went through a Rachel Ray cookbook and came up with a few menu ideas.

I have to say that the meals have been amazing! The first night he made Rosemary and Garlic Chicken with Lemon Butter Broccoli. The next night it was a steak dish with some awesome BLT (Bacon, Leeks, and Tomatoes) smashed potatoes. Tonight we had a really great stoup.

I am so very thankful that he has taken this on. I have begun to not care for cooking because I feel like I have run out of ideas. Now I don't even have to think about it. He comes in and takes care of it all. It wasn't intended as a gift or anything, but I will take it as one :)

Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Holy Wind

So the last few days I've been able to sit down about 1pm and just watch a little TV. I have enjoyed the down time, and it gives me a chance to watch a little news from the US. I commented in a survey in Facebook that even though I know that everything going on in the US effects us still, being over here it doesn't seem like it. I know we live overseas, but I don't really feel like we are doing anything different. It seems so much like "home" here, that I don't really feel any of the things that I might if we were in the states. I see all the struggles with jobs, money, banks, and I just don't feel any of it. I am very lucky that my husband has a job that for now is secure. We don't see them downsizing any time soon, and he's contracted for almost 4 more years. I thank God every day that we are in the place we are and are doing fine.

Anyway, where this is going is that I have been trying to watch more news thinking that will really help bring me home. Good Morning America is on at that hour, so that is usually what I watch. We don't have much of a selection here as far as different news programs and such. It's either what they have on or nothing. One of the things I like about GMA is that they show the weather a LOT. When everyone else is watching their local weather, they just show a map of the US with the highs for the day there. I have noticed how warm it is there recently. I couldn't believe it when today it showed that in Kansas, there was a high of 70?! I was just talking with a friend in Oklahoma who is having some really sever weather. Really?! Tornadoes in Feb? That's crazy. It was warmer in Kansas today than it was in Phenoix.

I just wish we could have some of that. You may have seen in the news there (I am not sure if they showed it or not) that a week ago or so there were some really high winds in Spain and France. They were said to be over 100 mph gusts. There was a school in Spain that the roof fell in, and it killed some children. In France, it turned over several trucks on the road. Today was our day. The wind was really bad here. We usually never have wind, so it was a shocker. I haven't heard of anything going on because of it, so that is good.

Here's hoping that tomorrow will be warmer and without wind. I know we are suppose to get rain, but that doesn't really bother me too much.

Monday, February 9, 2009


So I realize I have been MIA for a long time. It has been crazy around here. My husband just got home from "Army School" (as Genevieve called it) after being gone for a month. During that month I was so tired from being a single parent, that I just didn't have much left to blog at the end of the night. Now that he's home, I seem to feel like I'm resting better. I go to bed much earlier too. :)

I finally got my Wii Fit. I couldn't find one here to save my life. It seemed like if I'd go in, the last one was on its way out at that time. Then they can't ever tell you when they will get them back because they honestly don't know (gotta love AAFES). I decided a few weeks ago to try and pre-order one online from Game Stop. I signed up only a day before the shipment was due to arrive, and it was on a first come first serve basis. I knew I wouldn't get it. I figured I'd try though. After a couple of days, they posted a new date. I decided to leave my name on the list and see if I were lucky this time. SCORE! I was notified that I had one being shipped to me.

I wasn't expecting it until next week actually. Sometimes the mail is slow here, and it takes extra time if you don't ship priority. I didn't know how they shipped it, so I was expecting the worst. To my surprise the Power Zone had them in stock. I didn't actually go in and see them, but I saw a lady walking out with one. I was so mad. I knew something like that would happen. The next day I was out with a friend for lunch, and we decided to head over and see if she could get one. No dice.

On Friday I had to go check the mail. I hadn't checked it for a week (we don't get much, so we don't have to check it every day). I dropped my hubby off at the door and the kids and I went around the parking lot until he came out. I was so excited to see that my box had arrived! We came home, set it up, and waited for the kids to go to bed.

I have to say this thing is a lot of fun. I have played it a bit now, and I really have liked everything so far. I totally need to do some other things, but I'm glad we got it, and I am glad it is so much fun. My husband laughs at me when I do the step game. He says I have not rhythm, and I'm funny to watch. I really like doing the hula hoop game, but my knees pop as I'm twirling the hoops, and he thinks it sounds painful. Today Genevieve and I went on the short two player run. I was surprised that she actually got the concept and did pretty good at keeping up.

So my review of the Wii Fit...4 stars! I'd give it 5, but the weight feature is broken. It says I'm not loosing weight :p If you have a Wii and you can find the Wii Fit, you should try it out. It is a lot of fun.