I Just Love

I have to say that I totally love it when the kids both knock out when we are in the car. This picture was taken a few weeks ago when we were on our way to Kansas City for a baby shower. You can see that Genevieve was fast asleep in her "Big Girl Chair." She had been watching Blue's Clues for about 20 mins, and she knocked out.

When I looked back and realized she was out, I turned off the movie, and I changed it to my CDs. Not the kid CDs, MY CDs. I spent some time listening to a Christian group called The Darians. I heard them several years ago at some women's Christian convention. Their songs really speak to me. It's not really a big secret that there are things in my past that are not my finest. I have done a lot of things, and I don't even know what I was thinking. At one point in time I decided that even with the bad, I was/still could be a good person. I feel that God can use them for good, and I live like that can and does happen. My prayer in life is that someone can see God in me.

One of their songs, "Somebody Like Me," has really spoken to me on many occasions. Forgive the long set of lyrics I'm about to post, but I couldn't just pick one section.

Somebody Like Me

I sure hope that you remember me
It's been such a long time since we've talked
So many things I need to tell you
There's a lot to catch up on

We used to be so much closer
But it seems that I have drifted away
Now this road has brought me home to You
I just need to hear You say

Chorus
That You can still love somebody like me
That Your grace reaches farther than I can see
From where I am to where You are seems like an eternity
Can You still forgive somebody like me
Can You forget the way that I used to be
Lord, I'm down on my knees praying
That You could still love, love somebody like me

For so long I did things my own way
I sure made my share of mistakes
So many wounds that need to start healing
It's so much more than I can take

I know that I used to seem to have all the answers
Then how'd I ever get so lost
Now this road that's paved with my regrets
Is leading back to the cross

Chorus 2:
'Cause You can still love somebody like me
And Your grace reaches father than I can see
From where I am to where You are seems like an eternity
Can You still forgive somebody like me
Can You forget the way that I used to be
Lord, I'm down on my knees praying
That You could still love, love somebody like me

Now this road that's paved with my regrets
Is leading back to the cross

Repeat Chorus 2

The reason this song means so much to me is that it reminds me that no matter what has happened, God loves me. It doesn't matter what I did in the past. The song talks about how God's grace is so abundant that we can't even know how big it is. Because of this, he still loves us, and will forgive us. I think the part that gets me the most every time is the part of the song that talks about the road they are on. In the first part it says, "Now this road has brought me home to you." In the next part it says, "Now this road that's paved with my regrets."

How true is this? I mean really this song hits so close to home. It brings me to tears just about every time I hear it. It's a song that speaks to my heart and soul. I think the part that makes me cry is that there is still hope for me. I feel like I'm more on the right track these days. I still feel bad for the things in my past. I have a road paved with regrets. What the end of that line says is, "Now this road that's paved with my regrets is leading me back to the cross." I guess it means that even with regrets, we are always welcome back. That's what I love about God so much.

Another song they sing is "He Carries Those Who Carry the Cross." Now I won't share all the lyrics of this song (we all know this is getting long). This is the part here that really goes with what I'm talking about.

I've been blessed enough to witness grace
From both sides of the pain
And if I had to do it all again
There's nothing I would change
And so if I don't seem too troubled
When the clouds are closing in
It's because no storm can reach me
That hasn't come through Him

When I heard this song and started to sing along with it in the car, this part stuck out to me. I really started to reflect on these words. Is there really nothing I'd change in my life? There are things I wish wouldn't have happened, but I don't think I'd be the person I am without them. For that reason, no, I wouldn't change a thing. Isn't it funny that the things in life that maybe aren't our best moments are the ones that make us who we are today. It's those moments that change our life, shake us up, and then change our life forever. There are many instances in my life I can think of that I wouldn't wish on anyone. However, those are the things that make me the person I am. I know I'm not the best person ever, but I feel that I'm a darned good person. If these things in my life never happened, I wouldn't be who I am today.

I have a hard time with that saying that God doesn't put anything on you that you can't handle. If he doesn't, then boy does he come close at times. I instead think of the things in my life as pieces to a quilt. I don't want one event in my life to define who I am. I am a person made up of many pieces and experiences. I picture my life experiences as quilt squares. They are there, but not one is bigger than the other. The quilt would be incomplete without any of the squares no matter what the square is.

Anyway, I have gone on too long. I hope you aren't too bored if you even made it this far. It must have just been one of those nights I'm long winded.