So Hard

Tonight is the night. I made up my mind that tonight was the night that Samuel was going to have to go to bed, and if he woke up, he'd have to cry it out. I made a mattress for his Pack n Play last night. I just took a few blankets and folded them up real thick. To keep them down, I put a crib sheet over them and pulled it tight. That way it isn't so thin. If you have seen a Pack n Play, you know how thin those mats are. I sure as heck wouldn't want to sleep on one of those. So I did that, and I put him in there last night after he was good and asleep. I'd say he slept in there about 1/4 to 1/2 the night.

So tonight I decided it is time. He needs to start going to bed. Well it has now been about an hour since he woke up, and he is still crying off and on. I have been in several times (please don't think I'm just leaving him in there and not checking), and still no luck. It seems like when i do go in, it makes it worse. I am trying to space it out longer so he doesn't get worked up again. This breaks my heart. I cried the first couple of nights when I did this with Genevieve, and I am doing the same tonight. I just hate hearing that. Funny thing is, now I can hear Genevieve throw a fit at night, and it really doesn't bother me anymore. I leave her be, and I will go up after awhile, but usually she just does it for a few seconds and is done.

I know in the long run, this will be better for us all. I don't really want him to be sleeping in bed with me much longer. My husband is coming home from training in a week, and I'd like to have alone time with him. I also think that it is better for Samuel if he starts to sleep in his own bed. I realize it might be a hard habit to break since it has been so long, but I guess it is time to bite the bullet. Why is it so hard to listen to your children cry?

Just a Stupid Rant

So I know that we are getting an opportunity of a lifetime. Not too many people get the chance to move to another country and not have to pay for the majority of the moving costs. I know that time over there will be great, and I know how fun it will be to see everything. My rant has to do with certain creature comforts I've gotten use to. I'll just start and you can stop reading now if you want :p I won't be offended. So, you have been warned that I'm about to rant about stupid things. Here it goes...

1. There is no AC in the housing we will be in. I have heard the weather there is pleasant enough that there is no need for one, but I have grown to love the AC. I don't like being hot, and I have a fear about open windows at night. I don't know where this fear came from. When we were first married, we'd sleep with our bedroom window open at night all the time. Now that I think about it though, I can pinpoint when this fear started. It was when my husband left for the Army and it got worse when he deployed.

Our duplex we lived in was great about staying cool. I didn't have to run the air a lot to get it to stay cool. We didn't keep the windows open at all really because it was just so nice in the house with what little AC we ran. Our bills for a month were about 50 dollars for a 1200 sqft duplex. There was one month after he left that our bill was honestly only 20 bucks. I don't know how I pulled it off, but I did.

Anyway, when we moved to Ft Riley, we were in an 8 plex. There were 4 apartments on top and 4 on bottom. We lived on the bottom. There were some shady people living in our building, so I always made sure to keep everything locked up and closed. Since we lived on the bottom, it would be easy for someone to get in the place going through the windows. There wasn't any climbing to do. When I was alone, I feared that something would happen, and I wouldn't be able to defend myself. Thus I started to make sure all windows were closed and locked at all times. With no air from the outside coming in, we had to use the AC. The same fears happened when we were in Oklahoma because of living in a house. Only my fears switched from something happening to me to someone taking my baby. She was on the front of the house, and anyone could just come in and take her. It really scared me.

So, having to open windows bothers me. I am hoping (and for other reasons too) that we are not on the bottom floor. I will be a nervous wreck if we are.

2. Sonic. Yes, you are reading right. I am going to miss Sonic like crazy. There is just something about Sonic ice that rocks my world. It's easy to crunch, and I swear it makes a drink taste better. The day I found out you could buy the ice by the bag was awesome. I was then told by my husband that it was too expensive to buy. I got away with it because I used the pregnancy card (I was pregnant with Genevieve at the time). After I had her, I was told not to buy it anymore because I didn't have pregnancy cravings anymore. The day after I found out I was pregnant with Samuel, I made a trip to our local Sonic.

3. This is the last one I promise. I'm going to miss TV shows. I am addicted to Big Brother. I know I have talked about it in my blog before. I love the show. This season has started, and I'm really getting into it. No big deal about the move because I can watch it online right!? WRONG! I guess after visiting with some other girls who live overseas, you cannot watch shows from the US online from the sites. I guess it is only for viewing in the US, and so the site will not load up the video from the internet overseas. Not only does this knock out Big Brother, but a few other shows that I know I can catch online.

Then there are the shows they don't show online, but they don't show there. I am going to hang my head and admit that I love General Hospital. I first started watching it when my sister and I were little. She watched it, and I just started to. I think we watched it every day that summer. Of course with the school season starting, we went on about our lives. Fast forward many many many years, and I get back into it. With the rising of DVR, I haven't really missed a show for a long time. It's sad to say that I'm not going to be able to watch it. I know that in 3 years the actors may change, the kids will be grown, but the plot will be the same. I can jump back into it in no time. It's just one more thing in life I feel like I have to give up to get something cool.

And that brings me to my whole purpose of the rant. It seems like to get something that is a great experience, I'm going to have to give up so much. It's not only the stupid things like Sonic, TV, and AC, but it is also the big things. I'm going to have to give up being able to see my family whenever I want. I am going to have to give up some of those phone calls with my sister that sometimes go on for hours and make me feel good after we hang up. I'm going to have to give up just picking up the phone whenever I want and calling my friends without thinking about if I am going to wake them up or not. I will miss the kids not seeing either set of grandparents as much as they do now.

I guess what I might be trying to say is simply this. I am getting scared about the changes coming up in my life. I know I will be a better woman, wife, mom, daughter, etc because of what I learn. I have always said that God has put us where we need to be when we need to be there. I believe that with my whole heart. Even with my belief in that statement, it doesn't alway make it easy to go. Being that I'm going to Europe, I will quote a song from one of my favorite shows...The Sound of Music. There is a song at the first when she is getting ready to leave for the home in which she is to be a nanny essentially. She says that the Lord never closes a door without opening a window. Then in the song she goes on to sing something like (please know it might not totally be right because I am typing late, and I'm not looking it up), "What will this day be like? I wonder. What will my future bring? I wonder. I've always longed for adventure, to do the things I never did. Now I'm facing an adventure, then why am I so scared?" I think that sums up me tonight. I am one that loves to do new things, but I am just scared. I don't know why, I just am. I guess that really just comes with anything in life, and any change.

People ask me all the time if I'm excited. I keep telling everyone yes. I am excited, but I am also scared about how my life will change. Life changes all the time though, so it is time to embrace the change and face our new adventure. Does that mean I can't be scared? I hope not because I will be scared for awhile I'm sure. It will be good to have my husband home though to help with moral support.

Anyway, If you made it this far...I commend you for hanging in there. Thanks for listening/reading :) I have typed myself tired, and I think I'm going to try and go to bed. I am trying out something new for Samuel, and I will let you know what it is, and if it worked another night.

1 Month from Today

I didn't notice until a few hours ago just how close our move is coming. One month from today, we will be on a plane headed to Germany. When we started the major process of moving, it was March, and it seemed like it would never come around. Now we are a month away, and it seems like there isn't enough time. I noticed as I was walking out of Subway tonight that it was really starting to look like fall. I know it is because there has been a big storm, and that has brought cooler weather. The heat is sure to return soon. However, tonight it looked like fall.

Something that always gets me is what you think about when you think of certain seasons. Like a lot of people think of Christmas at winter or skiing. When I think of fall, I am taken back to my time spent in Chicago. I can honestly say that was one of the best times of my life. I loved my job, the classes were okay, the people were awesome, and I LOVE the city. There is something about Chicago that just caught my heart.

When I think of fall and think back, I think of the cold weather on that stupid leather sofa. I think about hot coco and walking the streets. I am taken back to the Festival of the Lights that goes on there at the start of every Christmas season. I remember the little shops that I would visit. I remember that my roommate Casey and I would travel down to the Magnificent Mile every weekend to shop or just look around. I remember my time on the trains and the bus.

I know there are times in everyone's lives that they have that have made an impact. I don't know why my semester in Chicago was so significant in my life. I don't know if it was because that is where I was when 9/11 happened. It was just an important time in my life. Maybe it was because I proved to myself a lot of things to myself that fall. All I know is that it is probably one of my favorite seasons because of the memories that it brings back.

One month and counting. Here goes nothing! One of the biggest changes in my life is coming and I think I'm ready :p I learned a long time ago, my husband and I can do anything together. I can do a lot of things on my own, but we do better together. Please keep our family in your prayers as we get ready for one big adventure. We are going to need them to get through that airplane ride with the two kids. :)

Who Me?!

If you know my husband and I very well, you know that we do not like for our children to have nicknames. We named them their names, and we do not shorten them. We do call Genevieve "Baby" sometimes, and Samuel has become "Buddy." These are fine I just don't like nicknames like Genny, Sammy, etc.

There have been a few people who have used nicknames for our children, and if they keep at it for a long time, I say something. It really makes some people laugh about how I am pretty big on not using the nicknames. It doesn't offend me or upset me, I just don't care for it. I know I should get over it, because I'm sure as they reach school age and start going, they will have nicknames. I can hope not, but I guess it is ultimately up to them.

So a new nickname came out in the past couple of days. This one was for Samuel. My Dad was joking around saying something about him. Then he stated that Buddy was too generic of a nickname, and he needed something better. He thought for a second, and then it hit him. He thought it would be perfect for him to be called Sammy Jimmy. Somehow I don't see that one sticking with him :p

10 Years Later...

It really has been 10 years. I can honestly say it wasn't all I thought it would be. Maybe it was because I expected things to have changed. It was amazing how even after 10 years everything just seemed to go back the way it was when we were in high school. All the people that hung out then seemed to migrate to each other, and there was little mixing around.

We all met for dinner at a classmates house. We talked for a bit and then did dinner. We left after a couple of hours because the kids were getting a bit tired. Genevieve had been out late the previous two nights, and with little excitement there, I decided it would be best to just take them home. It was good to see everyone, and I will probably go back just to see what everyone is up to.

I guess despite my disappointment in human nature, I really am curious about what life has in store for the "kids" I went to high school with. We shared so many different things, and I guess that will keep us connected (even if in a very minimal way) to each other.

Round, Round, Round

Last night was a lot of fun.  I took the kids, and we went to visit with Lacy and see other classmates.  While we waited for the carnival to open up, we walked around the booths in the 4H building.  We ran into several classmates there.  It was nice seeing that I'm not the only one who has changed in one way or another.  

When the carnival opened up, we took the girls to ride the cars.  It's old cars that they put on something to make them go in a circle.  Genevieve wasn't too sure to start off with.  She didn't know if she wanted to stay in the car.  After the first two circles, she was hooked.  She didn't want to get off at all.  Every time it would stop, she'd say, "One more time, Momma."  The only way I got her off was to ride the train.  When it was time to go, we had a fight on our hands.

Tonight is the big get together for the class.  I know Genevieve has been asking all day to go see her friends.  I know she'll be ready to have fun and play.

We Made It

I can now happily report that the kids and I made it out to Tribune yesterday.  Genevieve woke up early so we took off after the car was loaded.  It was a somewhat long trip (it's only about 5 hours) only because there isn't much to look at.  There are a few towns you hit, but the bulk of what you see is trees, cows, and fields.  Samuel got upset just as we were leaving the last town before you arrive.  I kept saying..."Only a few more miles Buddy."  However, I don't think there is much reasoning with a 7 month old.  

The time change has really got to me this time.  I haven't always had issues with traveling between the two time zones.  I think that a lot of the issue has to do with the fact that my husband is currently living in Eastern Time and us in Central.  I am constantly looking at things from the stand point of being in both.  I have to think about what time it is for him before I call, or things like that.  Now I have to "live" in three zones (add Mountain to the above).  That is making it more challenging for us this time.

It has been interesting to be back.  It's like an old story I use to do in school for Forensics.  It talked about how you can never go home again.  It said something like, "Nothing is different.  Nothing has changed.  Come home."  It goes on to talk about how things even though they are not different at all by looks, everything is different and everything has changed.  That's how I feel.  I have been back in the past 10  years only 3 times.  Once was after I was out of high school and just started college, then for my dear friend Lacy's wedding, and when I was pregnant with Genevieve.  You can see people you know (some only by looks now), and they have no idea who you are.  This is what happened yesterday.  We went to lunch after we got here.  There wasn't really anyone who realized who I was.  I recognize several people, but no one seemed to know exactly who I was.  Later in the day I went to the grocery store and drug store alone, and the same thing.  People who had seen me on a very regular basis so long ago don't even know who I am anymore.  They walk past me and don't even realize that I'm back after so long.  It's actually been kind of interesting to see who and who doesn't know who I am.  

I was suppose to hang out with Lacy all day today.  She called last night, and their car broke down on the way here.  So they had to go to Goodland today and buy a new car.  While getting a new car is awesome, getting one unexpected isn't always fun.  I hope they find something great, and they don't get as stressed as I seem to get while buying cars.  We will meet up this afternoon when they get back from the big adventure.  There is a free BBQ this afternoon, and I'm all for free food.

Stay tuned for all things 10 year high school reunion :p