How I Got My Groove Back

So I haven't really got my groove back yet, but I'm working on it. For awhile now I have been sad with myself. I have no identity anymore other than my kid's mom and my husband's wife. I don't do much on my own, and I have felt recently that it has taken a toll on me. I don't feel as though I am my own person anymore, and I couldn't even tell you what I enjoy doing. It's sad really. I hate that I let myself get this way, but there it is.

Since we got here I have seen fliers around the post for a local theatre here. They have done some really cool shows, and I thought about getting in touch with them. However the reality of being a mom comes into play. When do I really have time to go to do things like that with two little kids. The past week or so I have seen fliers around saying they were having open auditions for Sound of Music. I told my hubby what I wouldn't give to do that. He told me right then and there I should go for it. I laughed and told him how. It got me thinking though, so I emailed the theatre and asked about rehearsal times etc.

Before I go on, I must comment on the love I have for this show. When I was young I'd go to my Grams' house for the summer. We'd always spend about 2 weeks there. One of the things we did EVERY time we were at Grams' house was to watch the Sound of Music. We watched that tape so much we even knew the commercials that they accidently recorded. I can still see a few of them in my head. My cousins and I would then go about acting the whole show. It was probably a site to see the whole show put on by 4 kids. We'd break it up and we'd do a rolling go at it when it came time to introduce the children. Needless to say this show is a big part of my life.

Back to the email. The director sent me an email back saying they usually did rehearsals from 7 to 10 pm. You don't know how perfect this is! My kids usually go to bed about 7, so if nothing is going on, my husband is around and can put them to bed. There isn't much time between when I'd leave and when they'd go to bed, so I don't feel guilty about leaving them alone to go do this. I made up my mind after our dinner date to go for it. I was scared to death, but I decided to do it anyway.

Fast foward to tonight. Tonight was the night. I left a little early so I knew I'd be on time. I sat in the van waiting until closer to time to walk in. As I sat there I worried about going. I haven't been on stage for a long time. I am more of a Techie anyway, so I'm usually behind the scenes. I almost had myself talked into driving off. I then told myself that there were so many people that had offered me support, and that I needed to get out of the van right now. I put on my lipstick and headed out. I was scared to death. I went in and signed in.

The audition itself didn't go too bad. I can only do my best, and that is what I did. I was very pleased with how the song came out. If I don't get a part, I would be a little sad, but it won't be the end of the world. What I got out of tonight is much better than a part in the show. I got a part of myself back. For the hour I was there (I had to wait for my name to be called, and I saw a couple other auditions before leaving), I was me again. I was not a mom or a wife. I was just Emily. I had fun, and I am so happy I did it. I can't wait to try again. If I don't get a part, I am going to ask to work with the tech stuff. That will be just as fun. I'm just glad to have hit the bottom and be on the way back up.

I will know by the end of the week if I get a part or not. Good or no part (I would say bad, but there isn't really a bad here), I'll keep you updated. Either way tonight gave me something I've been missing for a long time. That's all I really wanted anyway.