Being Honest...

I guess since the month is winding down and I have not done this post yet, I should get to it. Wouldn't it be horrible if I failed my resolution after only one go at it :p I hadn't really thought about what I wanted to be honest about this month, but here it goes. I'm going to talk about my "love" of fear and the unknown.

Even the people closest to me might not know about this. It tends to surface at weird times in my life, and I never seem to talk about it. I really hate for people to know that I struggle with the fear of the unknown and that I worry a LOT. Usually I can keep it under control. It isn't always the first thing on my mind. However, when it shows its ugly head, it is there for awhile. I usually think about whatever it is for several days...all day. It will even wake me at night.

Now before I go on, I do know that this is not healthy. I often wonder if I would stop if some of my health issues would go away. I tend to clinch my teeth a lot, and I get a lot of headaches from this. I am convinced that my clinching has to do with being worried all the time.

I was doing a Bible study a couple of years ago, and it talked about how it showed a lack of faith to worry all the time. This really bothers me. Not so much what it is saying because I can see that. It bothers me because I'd like to think that I had enough faith. This shows I don't. The fact that I worry so much makes me wonder just how much faith I do have. I'd like to think enough, but clearly I'm lacking.

It makes me really sad to type that out. How do you even go about working on something like that? There are some things in my life that I honestly just don't worry about. One of those is where we live/move. I have always felt that we'd be in the right place at the right time. This proved true so many times. Sometimes it took a bit to see the good or the reason behind it all, but it always came about.

Well, I could go on and on about it all, but I am not. I am going to try and turn over a new leaf and stop it :p I know that is not possible, but I will give it a go. I'm going to try and quit worrying about things that are not in my control, and I'm going to try and fix things that are. If I spent all the time fixing or making things better that I do worrying, I'd have the whole thing fixed...right? Humor me :)