On Random Things...and Being Honest

Well, this is my sad attempt at blogging and being honest with my not so vast blogging audience. However, I am going to work a few things in because I have so much going on. I feel really bad that I have not kept up on the blog for the first few months of the year. This year has been so crazy and gone so quickly. I can't believe that it is almost April.

April is going to be a "fun" month for me. I don't know what it is about the numbers 3 and 0 and them being put together. Something about the age 30 has me a little uneasy about my birthday. I am really sure it is because at some point in my life I thought that 30 was just REALLY old. My sister every year for the past 5 years has called and said It's your almost old birthday. Last year it was my I'm really darned close to old. Well, this is the year. I'm turning OLD.

Now that I am here, 30 is not old by any means. When thinking about my life (when I was younger) I thought I'd be doing different things in my life. I always knew that by this time in my life I'd probably be a mom. So the fact that I have two kids doesn't really phase me. However, I did always think that I'd still be working. I thought I'd have a career and love going to work and doing that sort of thing. I never in a million years thought I'd be a mom for my job.

Let me take this moment to say how blessed I am that I can be mom for my job. I know that there are many people in the world that would love to stay home with their children, but for one reason or another are not able to. I just feel like it is not looked at as an accomplishment or anything. I remember how I was almost embarrassed to tell people at my 10 year reunion that I was just mom. It was like I didn't have anything to show for myself for the past 10 years. I'm sure most of this just has to do with my insecurity.

All this said, I am embracing the new decade of my life. I am going to enter the 30s with as much love, joy, and enthusiasm that I can. I will live each day the best I can, and love where my life has taken me so far and the road I am on now. (The fact I noticed a couple of gray hairs on my husband's head help a little.) Here is to a great time in my life. A time where my kids will age past toddler, preschoolers, children, and even into the tweens. How scary is that?!

On to something else major in life. I'm finally doing it. I coming home to the states for a bit. It was kind of last notice, and it is coming quickly. It's coming a little TOO quick. I have no time to worry, plan, worry, over plan some more, worry, call someone to help me plan, and worry some more. Instead I will have to resort to a lot of worry and praying in the next week and a half. I have already started to outline the number of bags, car seats, etc that I will take. I'm trying to think through everything I can. I think if I plan for it in my head, I might feel more prepared if something like it did happen.

I found a flight that stopped over in Dallas. DFW is a big airport, but it isn't too bad. I have been there a few times, and for the most part I am comfortable with the airport. I am worried about customs between that flight and my connection. I have a couple of hours, but I just want to make sure that everything goes good. If not, I might be calling my cousin to see if I can crash on her sofa. At least I know that there we have family to help out if something happens and I need help.

The biggest worry I have is the fear I have had since moving here. Going home with the two kids alone. If anyone knows me really well they know I travel a lot. I am always getting in the car and going. I will go anywhere with the kids no matter what. I just jump in the car and head on. A plane though with the kids scares me. I am very self consious about how my kids act. I hate the idea that someone might think my kids are acting up. I always find myself telling people sorry for even stupid things. I hate that I feel I have to do that, but I don't want people to look at my kids like they are heathens either.

So you can see my delima now. I am traveling with the two kids alone on a plane. I don't mind the short trips. The long leg of this flight is around 9 hours though. That is a LONG time in a plane for an adult much less a child. When we flew over here, I was blessed to have my husband helping me. The kids did great, and they slept 80% of the time. This time I have no adult help. I wonder about stupid things like how am I going to go to the bathroom with the two of them in that little bathroom? It's something that is really stupid to worry about, but it is on my list.

As I told my mom on the phone last night, I just need to do it. Once I do it once, it won't seem as bad to do it again. I need to feel like I can do this no matter what. I need to get that one back. I also remember all the planning and such my cousin did for the trip here. We stayed up for a long time talking about what we were going to do, planning this and that. Everything went great when we got there. There was no need for all that planning. In my mind though if you don't plan, it will go wrong.

Anyway, if you would, please pray for us. Pray for the poor people on our flights. We will be leaving in just about 1 1/2 weeks. I can't wait to see family and friends again. I also can't wait to eat some things that aren't over here. It's sad how quickly you start to miss small things like that.